The big day we've been waiting for with great anticipation is finally here. I'm speaking of more restrictions finally being lifted. Just like everyone else, I was also looking forward to going to a beer garden with my friends for a glass of wine, because I'm sick of freezing in the park on a blanket and drinking from a cup. But apart from the fact that the weather has been so awful that it's not fit for a beast out there, everything's overcrowded. And I mean everything. People have gone completely crazy. Not only will I probably never manage to find a free spot in a pub anymore, but it looks like I won't even be able go to the hairdresser or pick up some candles in IKEA for a very long time.
It feels like we've been locked up for years, not two months! The thing that probably scared me the most were the morning articles about people queuing in front of Ikea since seven o'clock in the morning. For Heaven's sake, why? I mean, their online shop has been working all this time. Are you telling me that everyone, including me, ran out of candles? Because in the last two months, I definitely haven't run out of furniture... I really don't get it.
I understand that hairdressing services are more precious than gold or silver now, because few people are able to do an adequate job at home. Personally, I'll be waiting for my barber much longer than I'd like to. I should have been smarter and booked at appointment a little earlier. Now I'll be walking around looking like a scarecrow. I'm not working from home anymore. But what can you do.
Anyway, I thought I could try eating like a human being at a table and from a plate for a change - after all, Greenpeace is probably not happy about any of us these days, since we've all been ordering food deliveries in plastic boxes, but that's not gonna happen either! All the seats in my favorite restaurant's beer garden are booked out, for lunch as well as for dinner! For the next two weeks! So, my deer friends, for me, quarantine is far from over...
But what pissed me off even more is the speed at which everything is getting more expensive. I wanted to make my poor old mother happy for Mother's Day and buy her a new washing machine. But wait a minute. The one I'd been oggling before the coronavirus hit us costs 1,500 crowns more now. Everything that wasn't produced in our country is 10% more expensive, said the spokeswoman for Alza, so I guess she was right.
Probably the only thing that's keeping me alive is that clothes, shoes and handbags are cheaper. Why? The spring collection that nobody could buy when the shops were closed is on sale. That's probably my only consolation - even though I'll have a bird's nest on my head and I'll be eating from plastic boxes, at least I'll have a new outfit.
Up until now, we've been struggling not to get infected with the deadly, invisible coronavirus; now we'll be fighting for our place under the sun. Because apparently, everyone wants to be everywhere in Prague. If I call a cosmetic surgeon tomorrow, saying that I've finally decided to have a liposuction, and he won't give me an appointment until half a year later, because hey girl, you're not the only one who's been eating like a pig in quarantine, I'll kill myself. My ego won't survive another hit, I swear it won't.
And do you know what upsets me the most? In two weeks, when the government finds out that this lifting of restrictions may have saved the country's economy and the lives of the unemployed, but that the curve of those infected is rising at the speed of light and hospitals are starting to burst at the seams, they'll close everything all over again! They'll lock us back at home again and we'll have a do-over.
In conclusion, I have a piece of advice for you. Don't throw away your face masks just yet, even though we won't have to wear them from May 25th. Their time is not over yet, trust my words. But it's nice that once we're back in lockdown, all of you will have nice new hairstyles and haircuts, you'll have experienced the good old freedom of dining with waiting staff and your house will be full of new furniture. At least you'll appreciate it all a little more again. Amen.