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How I got tested without growing old during it

FAIR AND SQUARE: I'm positive or How I didn't want to wait a week for a test

Anděla Vostrá
15.Sep 2020
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3 minutes to read
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Žena v roušce nakupuje.

So let me tell you something. If there is a third wave of the pandemic in half a year, then I'll seriously fling myself off a bridge. I spent the first one in silent fury in quarantine like the rest of the republic and then the world, without symptoms, without disease, without anything. But in fear of infection. But in this second wave it looks like I drew a short stick. Not so much because I was sick, but because I had to stand in line at the collection point! Getting a test these days is a miracle, Father, a miracle!!!

The media is spewing horrific numbers of newly infected people at us every day. We used to be a role model country for the whole world in how beautifully we managed to deceive this silent enemy. Not to mention that the whole nation sewed masks, made the missing hand sanitizers at home, everyone was at home, everything was closed, half of the republic went bankrupt... the list is long. So long that if we didn't have good results, it would be a great shame. And it is enough that our government, which bought expensive, and also bad protective equipment, should be shamed...

Czechia is on a blacklist

Now the card has turned over and the whole world is putting us on a blacklist and closing their borders to us. Our lax measures have taken their toll - there are terribly, terribly many infected. Thank God they're mild cases, because the hospitals would have to be transformed again, the purchase of additional ventilators would have to be sorted out and God knows what else. But who is under too much pressure are the test workers. These are the people in spacesuits whose all-day job is to dig around in people's noses. There are 18 testing points in Prague and who'd have thought, they can't keep up.

Prodej unikátního rodinného domu - 755 m²
Prodej unikátního rodinného domu - 755 m²,

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Šipka signalizující, kam jít na testy.
Šipka signalizující, kam jít na testy.Source: Nemocnice Na Bulovce

Queues everywhere for x hours. I even hear stories where they were rejected and how some poor guy who is glad to be putting one foot in front of the other because of fever, travels by public transport from one place to another, begging and hoping to get somebody to scrape some mucus from their nose somewhere. Of course, for money, not a small amount. And that's exactly what happened to me. So I was smarter. I didn't go anywhere and I didn't ask anyone. I am a smart, educated and media-savvy girl. I know from the news that the hospitals have set up a reservation system, where you tap when you want to come, you get a reservation number and off to the queue you go.

The systems are overcrowded

Um, my joy because of the system was premature ... All the hospitals reported full reservations. On Monday, the computer did not offer me a spot before Friday!!! And the army helps in the Central Military Hospital! You can't wait that long for an action that will take two minutes! I picked up the phone and gradually started calling the hospitals. In Vinohradská I was even told that the pedestrian collection center is closed for this day, for no reason! I was already losing it at that point. Our daily new corona cases break records and and Vinohradská closes their collection center? I'm asking: Why?

But so be it, in Motol, a nice lady told me on the phone to come and say that I would be out by the hour without a reservation. And so I went. In that thirty-degree heat, with a muzzle on public transport. Yes, you hear me right. I don't have a car, nor a chauffeur. When I arrived there with my symptoms such as a cough and a high fever, which I would not normally do anything about, I stood in line, where there were about twenty people. Outdoors. In the sun. There were two porta potties next to us. Which I commend, because if you stand there for a long time, you probably need to consider that issue.

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Fronta lidí u odběrového místa na Václavském náměstí.
Fronta lidí u odběrového místa na Václavském náměstí.Source:

I started wondering if when it got cold, which will be soon, those people would still be standing outside. Probably, right? In the rain and in the cold ... a completely healthy person can come there like this and take home a serious flu from that queue ...

The act itself is a quickie

Anyway, it really was a breeze from there. The nurse brought me a paper to fill out. The form was simple, you don't even need a second high school diploma for that. She took it along with my ID and insurance card, within fifteen minutes I went inside to pay and immediately went to the other room for a swab. I didn't even have time to put my stuff down and warn them that I am a pussy and that they have to tie me to the chair, and I already had a stick in my mouth and a nose and was on my way.

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Lékař, který testuje muže
Lékař, který testuje mužeSource: Nemocnice Pardubického kraje

So, in the end, it was not that much of a hassle, although the Minister of Health Adam Vojtěch appealed to the citizens not to go get tested unnecessarily. I say, go get tested. If you're sick, get tested. So you know what your body is struggling with and so you don't spread it. Just check in advance where you have to go so that you don't get old in the queue or die right away.

Well, I almost forgot! I'm positive! But do you know what I'm looking forward to the most? When my taste and smell return, because any food I eat is just terrible!

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